The troll says: Me would kill you, but arthritis be acting up.
The troll says: So sits down, and me tells you story of gods and dragons.
Before me even born, great old gods make the world. Lars be the oldest of the old gods; he make worlds and worlds and worlds. But he never make this world, he just lay the groundwork. Jaysmyth be the old god thats start this world, but he absent-minded, he forget world exists, leaves its alone.
Kelly be the first of the truly great old gods. He and Gunther be friends, visit other worlds in mortal guise. One day Kelly be wandering the void, stubs toe on this world, goes OW! Sees what a mess Jaysmyth leaves, decides to fix it.
Kelly, he be patient, he be idea god and beer god, he start dreaming of way world should be. Gunther, he be detail-man, fixer-upper, he starts tearing out world's innards. Gunther do that a lot.
Kelly and Gunther need help, world too big, so they get Randal and make him a god too. Now there be three gods. Gunther keep wrestling with world, try to get things right, but nasty dragon called Oonicks too big for him. Kelly too busy with other things, Randal no help.
So they goes out and finds Fordan, who is on other worlds but knows how to fight Oonicks, and can even make Oonicks do what he wants.
So now there be four gods: Kelly, Gunther, Randal, and Fordan. Big world, big gods, and lots of humans running around. Soft, juicy, tender, tasty humans... mmmm... thems was the days. Humans always running around, making noise, chanting stupid Fork chant, but was ok, cause me eats them. Humans always kills me for money I gets, but me be troll, me regenerate. Stupid humans.
But Gunther, he gets impatient with world. He curses Lars, and world trembles. He decides we needs bigger world. Better world. Gunther, he talks other gods into making new world, and theys believe him. Stupid gods. Old world was nice. Lots of tasty humans.
So Gunther and Randal and Kelly makes new world, while Fordan watches old one. Fordan helps with new world too. Lots of humans become powerful, becomes wizards. Now gods got wizards to do their bidding. Me used to be be big shot around here. Humans run in terror at thought of me. In my day, adventurers more brave, not complain so much.
So gods say, "New world coming! Better like it!" and some wizards grumble and leave, and some don't. So gods make new world, and mortals appear again, and monsters, and treasures, but not as many tasty humans.
World wobbles funny, 'cause Gunther gets some things wrong, and things not balanced. Not good when world wobbles funny - big mess, big problems. No new wizards for longs time, cause world wobble too much. Also bad cause world travels in galaxy shaped like big oyster, and big oyster not too happy.
Big oyster god starts to notice world, gets angry. Big oyster god spits out world, so gets moved to new galaxy - very hot, very big galaxy. Old gods gots no answers - only knew how to deal with old galaxy, so one wizard makes new place for world.
New wizard all silver and shiny, but also all black and dark. Gods make him demi-god for saving world. Silver demi-god, he trusts other wizard, gives him big power over world. Other wizard betrays trust, gets caught. Very bad. The troll says: Silver demi-god and old gods argue over wizard, ends up making him little tiny wizard, no more trusts.
World keeps wobbling, silver demi-god complains to old gods. They make him god to shut him up. "No more complaining! You fix it! say the old gods, and they go off to be in their own worlds.
Silver god looks around, curses Gunther like Gunther cursed Lars. Calls upon arch-wizard Oh-pea to fix things, say "Make people talk more, make people happy!" That when silver god still cared, before he get mean and nasty. Oh-pea make things better, then go to fight nasty daemon called Gild. Gild daemon knocked Gunther on ass before. Oh-pea tame Gild daemon, make it do his bidding, sort of. He know how to control Gild, but other wizards not so good, don't listen, just copy what Oh-pea does without understanding.
So wizards starts trying to make world better, less wobbly, more fun so more humans comes and be troll-food. Bartholomew, he get impatient, makes himself a god.
Silver god make Desami new goddess, so she can vote with him and he can win arguments with Bartholomew. Too bad she make up own mind, yell at both of them. Desami mean goddess, uses gods as her axe-men. Another god arrives, one quite crunchy . He too try to stop the world from wobbling.
So ages go by, and gods tinker with world trying to stop wobble. Less and less troll-food. I get skinny, I die if not regenerate. Get old and gray. One day almost no troll-food, gods look around, get angry. World still wobbling! Wizards lazy! Wizards wake up long enough to go, "Huh? Gods yell more. Bah, humans all tough and stringy nowdays anyway. Gods not make 'em tender no more.
Gods kick wizards out, say "You be troll-food again! No more lazy wizards, no more hungry trolls!" Wizards scream, wizards complain, many wizards get struck by lightning. Not good as troll-food then, too crunchy. Gods make wizards work, some wizards grumble behind gods backs, think gods don't know. Heh. Gods know all.
One day then, a great revolt fills the heavens. Two wizards plot to overthrow the Silver and Crunchy gods. The Bovine and Red-necked wizards assume role of god, kick old gods out. Players rejoice, but only to find a trick has been played on them. Silver god unleashes great wrath upon all.
Gods then decide, players have grown dull and boring, and destroys them all. But for they have great, ambituous plans to remold the world to something new, something better, something great. They plan to change the Gild. Make Gild better. And I wait. This world will be ready in 3 months. And wait some more. Only 6 months, and yet I wait, and grow weary without my players to eat on. Orcs not nearly as yummy.
Finally, after 9 months, Gods open the portals to this world to all, and the players they return. They find new world, full of exciting things, more creatures, more exploration. And yet the world still wobbles. The Crunchy God tells the Bovine and Red-necked wizards to be Gods and help fix this world. They grumble but oblige.
Wizards and gods still trying to stop world wobbling. I hope they done soon - need more troll snacks.
That be end of my story for now. We see what gods do next.
The troll drifts into a partial sleep.